Winnie the Shit

I want to introduce you to a widely popular children's franchise that is a surprisingly terrible example for children: Winnie the Pooh.

First, I never understood how this became popular. I mean, I love teddy bears, but I draw the line at Winnie. I mean "The Pooh?" What the fuck is a Pooh, let alone the pooh. And how do so many kids just ignore the fact that Pooh sounds exactly like poo?

"Winnie the shit"

Ridiculous, but I digress... This is a dangerous cartoon to show kids. Let me break down why.

Winnie the Pooh: Lose some fucking weight dude. When our nation is struggling with fat ass kids, is it really the responsible thing to do to have a main character that is so fat he can't even climb through his own window? And what is his obsession with honey? Am I the only one who sees that Winnie has a little thing I like to call an addiction. Seriously, Winnie is addicted to honey, which can be substituted for the kids as cigarettes, alcohol, or crack. So we are telling kids its all good to be fat, and addicted to drugs. In fact, if you are like Winnie the Pooh, you'll be cool too, and everyone will love you! What a whoppingly great example of a role model.

Piglet: How anyone loves this little fucker is beyond me. I mean, I have no problem with homosexuals, but this guy goes beyond that. What I do hate is when gay people flaut their gayness in your face, then act the martyr because nobody understands them. I hate the ones that scream how incredibly PROUD they are of being gay. Congratulations guys. I'm straight, but you don't see me wearing a pin that says PRIDE in blue and pink letters do you? Grow up. America is becoming more accepting of gay people, yet there are still some that think it is their responsibility to scream in our faces. It's like those black people that still yell about oppression and how we white people owe them something. Look, I'm sorry that people in the past suffered, but that was then, get in the fucking now. You weren't a slave. You weren't lynched. *Unless you were, then to you, I apologize.*
All that to say, Piglet is way too gay. And stereyotypical at that. It's not enough that he's gay but you had to make him Winnie's little bitch boy. And how gay are you when you are the bitch to Winnie the Pooh. With a name like that, I don't want to know what kind of gross shit they do in their sex life.
He is a small little annoying ass thing that cowers behind any and everyone. Notice his height? He's perfect level for eating ass.... like I said, super gay.

Eeyore: Ok I actually like this guy, but not because he's a positive role model. I mean Eeyore is the posterboy for "Low Self-Esteem is Cool!" And last I checked, low self esteem is not cool. How many times does this donkey have to "discover" his friends really care about him before he decides to stop trying to kill himself. And the tail?! Come on, your tail is pinned on, what the hell did you think would happen? Did you think it was a magic pin that would permenetly hold it to your ass? Have someone sew it on and stop whining.
But I'm a cynic, so I like him.

That Bunny guy: So basically he's the creepy old man who shakes his stick at the young whipper-snappers that come frollicking on his farm. This guy is just wierd and kinda creepy. Kids stay away from people like him.

Tigger: Oh, fucking Tigger how I hate you. HOW IS HE SO POPULAR?! Have you ever met a kid with A.D.D. who can't sit still cause they have a problem and they had too much sugar? It's just about the worst fucking thing ever. Yet, if we slap a tail on him and paint him like a tiger, suddenly he's everyone's favorite? I would actually rather watch a retarded kid jump around me cause at least it isn't his fault. But someone made Tigger, someone wrote his lines, someone drew him to be the most fucking annoying character that has ever walked the fictional earth. I swear to God if I hear his little "Whoo-hoo-hoo" giggle laugh shit thing I will kill someone. But he brings me to the whore of the group.

So in all of 1,000 acre woods, there is only one female?

Kanga: Am I the only one that realizes she is a cartooniezed version of a black lady? Listen to how she talks and what she says, you'll see it too. And I think that's kinda offensive. I mean, she isn't one of those black ladies thats all annoying, but still, have some respect you creators of this character, I mean her people have suffered enough over the last like forever. So you bring in a black girl, make her a kangaroo, and force her to suffer an idendity crisis. What do I mean? So glad you asked...
She is a KANGAROO, yet, her name is Kanga, and her son's name is Roo, hence, her only idendity is found through being a mother to her bastard child. I don't know much about psychology, but I hear that's a bad thing. She is an independent single mother, and she deserves to be treated with respect, so let her be a FULL kangaroo, not one who can only exist with her son.

And did I say bastard? Come on, let's be real folks, we all know who the father of Roo is.
It's obviously Tigger. It's no coincidence that Tigger and Roo love to bounce around together, after all Roo got some Tigger DNA in him. That's why Tigger takes such a liking to him, because he is trying to care for his son, without having to deal with any of the responsibilites of being a true father. Grow up Tigger, you can't just knock a chick up then try to be buddies with the kid. He's your responsibility, act like a fucking man.

I hate Tigger. I hate Tigger so much

What kind of seven layered shit dip is this franchise that we've let our children become obsessed with?

I for one will not follow the norm and allow my kids to be a part of the brain-washing society that tells children its ok to be: Fat, an addict, super gay, way too hyper, an irresponsible father, a whore, or anything else this show tries to teach.

Stay away folks, stay away.

you just got your dose of THE DAILY D!

...drink it in...