Winnie the Shit

I want to introduce you to a widely popular children's franchise that is a surprisingly terrible example for children: Winnie the Pooh.

First, I never understood how this became popular. I mean, I love teddy bears, but I draw the line at Winnie. I mean "The Pooh?" What the fuck is a Pooh, let alone the pooh. And how do so many kids just ignore the fact that Pooh sounds exactly like poo?

"Winnie the shit"

Ridiculous, but I digress... This is a dangerous cartoon to show kids. Let me break down why.

Winnie the Pooh: Lose some fucking weight dude. When our nation is struggling with fat ass kids, is it really the responsible thing to do to have a main character that is so fat he can't even climb through his own window? And what is his obsession with honey? Am I the only one who sees that Winnie has a little thing I like to call an addiction. Seriously, Winnie is addicted to honey, which can be substituted for the kids as cigarettes, alcohol, or crack. So we are telling kids its all good to be fat, and addicted to drugs. In fact, if you are like Winnie the Pooh, you'll be cool too, and everyone will love you! What a whoppingly great example of a role model.

Piglet: How anyone loves this little fucker is beyond me. I mean, I have no problem with homosexuals, but this guy goes beyond that. What I do hate is when gay people flaut their gayness in your face, then act the martyr because nobody understands them. I hate the ones that scream how incredibly PROUD they are of being gay. Congratulations guys. I'm straight, but you don't see me wearing a pin that says PRIDE in blue and pink letters do you? Grow up. America is becoming more accepting of gay people, yet there are still some that think it is their responsibility to scream in our faces. It's like those black people that still yell about oppression and how we white people owe them something. Look, I'm sorry that people in the past suffered, but that was then, get in the fucking now. You weren't a slave. You weren't lynched. *Unless you were, then to you, I apologize.*
All that to say, Piglet is way too gay. And stereyotypical at that. It's not enough that he's gay but you had to make him Winnie's little bitch boy. And how gay are you when you are the bitch to Winnie the Pooh. With a name like that, I don't want to know what kind of gross shit they do in their sex life.
He is a small little annoying ass thing that cowers behind any and everyone. Notice his height? He's perfect level for eating ass.... like I said, super gay.

Eeyore: Ok I actually like this guy, but not because he's a positive role model. I mean Eeyore is the posterboy for "Low Self-Esteem is Cool!" And last I checked, low self esteem is not cool. How many times does this donkey have to "discover" his friends really care about him before he decides to stop trying to kill himself. And the tail?! Come on, your tail is pinned on, what the hell did you think would happen? Did you think it was a magic pin that would permenetly hold it to your ass? Have someone sew it on and stop whining.
But I'm a cynic, so I like him.

That Bunny guy: So basically he's the creepy old man who shakes his stick at the young whipper-snappers that come frollicking on his farm. This guy is just wierd and kinda creepy. Kids stay away from people like him.

Tigger: Oh, fucking Tigger how I hate you. HOW IS HE SO POPULAR?! Have you ever met a kid with A.D.D. who can't sit still cause they have a problem and they had too much sugar? It's just about the worst fucking thing ever. Yet, if we slap a tail on him and paint him like a tiger, suddenly he's everyone's favorite? I would actually rather watch a retarded kid jump around me cause at least it isn't his fault. But someone made Tigger, someone wrote his lines, someone drew him to be the most fucking annoying character that has ever walked the fictional earth. I swear to God if I hear his little "Whoo-hoo-hoo" giggle laugh shit thing I will kill someone. But he brings me to the whore of the group.

So in all of 1,000 acre woods, there is only one female?

Kanga: Am I the only one that realizes she is a cartooniezed version of a black lady? Listen to how she talks and what she says, you'll see it too. And I think that's kinda offensive. I mean, she isn't one of those black ladies thats all annoying, but still, have some respect you creators of this character, I mean her people have suffered enough over the last like forever. So you bring in a black girl, make her a kangaroo, and force her to suffer an idendity crisis. What do I mean? So glad you asked...
She is a KANGAROO, yet, her name is Kanga, and her son's name is Roo, hence, her only idendity is found through being a mother to her bastard child. I don't know much about psychology, but I hear that's a bad thing. She is an independent single mother, and she deserves to be treated with respect, so let her be a FULL kangaroo, not one who can only exist with her son.

And did I say bastard? Come on, let's be real folks, we all know who the father of Roo is.
It's obviously Tigger. It's no coincidence that Tigger and Roo love to bounce around together, after all Roo got some Tigger DNA in him. That's why Tigger takes such a liking to him, because he is trying to care for his son, without having to deal with any of the responsibilites of being a true father. Grow up Tigger, you can't just knock a chick up then try to be buddies with the kid. He's your responsibility, act like a fucking man.

I hate Tigger. I hate Tigger so much

What kind of seven layered shit dip is this franchise that we've let our children become obsessed with?

I for one will not follow the norm and allow my kids to be a part of the brain-washing society that tells children its ok to be: Fat, an addict, super gay, way too hyper, an irresponsible father, a whore, or anything else this show tries to teach.

Stay away folks, stay away.

you just got your dose of THE DAILY D!

...drink it in...

Demons Have Come to Earth.

Growing up in the church, I was told many stories about demons and how they scour the earth, seeking to kill and destroy.

This was terrifying as a child.

Now that I am older, I have come to accept the fact that most of what I heard was bullshit. It was pretty much these staunch conservatives who only had one way of viewing the Bible, trying to scare me in being a good little boy.

Fuck you for all the nightmares I had by the way.

I recently was struggling with the ideas of if demons existed the way I was taught. I mean sure, according to SUPERNATURAL they walk among us, but what is the truth?

Then, in a flash of clarity, I had a revelation. I don't know if I want to go as far as to compare it to the book of Revelation, but my vision was pretty clear.

Please be warned, what I am about to write may scare you as it did me.

I believe demons are among us, in fact, all around us. If you know what you are listening for, you can even hear their devilish cries. I have heard them, and to be honest, I don't know if I will ever be the same again.

You have seen demons. You probably have even touched demons. You probably don't know that you may even consider yourself a fan of demons. They are right in front of you, but after thousands of years, we have been blinded by the truth.

I now have the truth for you.

Prepare your soul.

Demons fly around us in the bodies of..... birds. That's right, the vision I was given was that birds are actually demons. Remember when Jesus cast the demons into a bunch of pigs? Same idea here, except these demon birds have mated to create an ungodly amount of birds to inhabit the world.

If we do nothing soon, they will consume this planet and take it over as their kingdom. We will be nothing more than food for them... but more on that later.

Let me open up the history books for you to show you when I first started noticing something was wrong with the birds.

A few years ago I was at my friends house and they brought out their pet parakeet. Yes, a cute little parakeet, nothing to fear...right?... wrong. This demon walked on the table and stared at me. There was something in its beady little eyes that I couldn't place my finger on at the time. I know now the bird was trying to possess me. Luckily I didn't succumb to its wills. I asked for the bird to be taken away, but my friends insisted on leaving it out, swearing that it was safe. My friends were lost to me already. Right after I asked for the bird to leave, the bird stretched its wings out, and flew right at my chest. It slammed into me, fell on the table, then walked away.

I should have known then....

If that was the only story, then I could understand why you wouldn't believe me. But there is more, my friends, so much more darkness...

I stopped in Baker with my fiance (girlfriend at the time) and stepped out to have a smoke. As I surveyed the land, I realized there were a few crows flying in the distance. They seemed big, but as long as they were far away, I didn't mind. As I leaned on the light post, I heard a clink, clink, clink. My innocent, naive mind had no idea what that sound was, but I knew it was coming from above. As I slowly looked up, I was stunned to see THREE giant crows crowding on the light post above me, staring down. I looked around the building next to me and saw the roof lined with giant black demon crows. Interestingly enough, there were more crows on the building surrounding me, than there were flying around. They were trying to corner me. They were trying to drag me to hell right then and there. Luckily I outsmarted them and jumped in my car and sped off.

As if that wasn't bad enough....

I used to think that hummingbirds weren't that bad. In a fallen world, at least there were some pure birds left on the planet. But no, they too have been consumed by the fires of hell. I was in the parking lot and saw one in the bushes ahead of me. Their little bodies fascinated me and I found myself staring at it(I know realize it was trying to hypnotize me into possession like that little fucking parakeet). Then, in a moment of weakness I uttered the phrase, "I kinda like hummingbirds." So what does this hummingbird do then? It flies away from the bush and goes on an attack path right for my left eye. I ducked out of the way as it zipped past my head, accepting its defeat and flying away. That little bugger tried to take my left eye!

The other night a lone crow landed on a tree next to me and did a half circle reconnaissance/fact finding mission flight around me. Then it flew down the path I walk to get back to the dorms, obviously going to report my routines.

They have targeted me for so long and I am afraid their time for attack may be nigh. My only hope is to get the word out there, spread the truth, in a futile attempt to save my life and my soul.

Please do not fall victim to their will any longer. They are not cute, fascinating or even interesting. They are Satan's spawn and they will consume everything in you if you allow them to.

The signs are there, you just have to see them.

My friends with the parakeet got divorced, the crows live in Baker (the giant thermometer is to measure the heat resonating from hell), and the hummingbird ended up dead outside my classroom (probably tried to fly in through the window to kill me).

Wake up people and save your soul.

Stay away from birds.

you just got your dose of THE DAILY D!

...drink it in...

Paul is eating my soul!

I twittered this earlier, but now it requires more thought.

So here I am minding my own business, exegeting the shit out of Philippians (4:8-9 to be exact) when suddenly I realized that Philippians was exegeting the shit out of me.

Let me explains...

I went into this passage with the hopes and dreams that it would support my argument that it's all good for Christians to cuss. Well... a few verses and some commentaries later I am shocked (well not really) to discover that my exegesis concludes that Christians should not cuss.

What?!

Apparently we are to think about good things like purity and justice and righteousness and shit like that.

Well.... but...it's just that.............I don't wanna...

And therein lies the beginning of Paul (and I suppose Jesus too) eating my soul.

I have proof now that cussing is something I shouldn't do. Yet, I still find myself burning with the need to say a bad word. I mean, my whole argument for ignoring this passage is "I don't wanna?" Really? That logic would fail in any other place in life, yet for some reason it is the only thing I can hang my hat on...

subsequently has anyone tried to hang their hat on their boner? Does it work?

I digress...

I am now sitting here looking at my soul and wondering what is to become of it. Can I... dare I... stop cussing? But if I choose to ignore this exegesis am I not spitting in the face of God now?

I think I'm addicted to cussing.

I don't use it all the time, which is the true power of my addiction, because I don't feel like I have a problem. But if we aren't supposed to cuss, and yet I do, is that not choosing to go against God?

Hmmm....

OR..... do I chalk it up to the fact that the Bible was written in a different time with different cultural norms?

It all boils down to definitions for me. The definition of shit is feces or excrement. Definition of crap? Same thing.

Definiton of fuck? (well that word is wonderful cause it has so many different meanings) Screw can be replaced for it. or Frick. or Frak (BSG!)

Bitch? Better people than I say Bee-yotch! Which for some reason I refuse to use.

For those genius people out there I'll drop a SAT example on you. Ass is to butt as pussycat is to feline (I enjoy using that word in other words such as "Quit pussyfooting around!").

So here is what I am faced with. Apparently it is wrong to cuss because it is the opposite of dwelling on good things. HOWEVER what I have learned from my culture is that crap, frick, shoot, butt, and somehow bee-yotch are appropriate words.

If the words themselves are not wrong, but the meaning behind them, then aren't those Christians just as bad as me for saying those words? And they sound more retarded (bee-yotch... seriously... how did that become popular).

So...do I change my ways, or stick to my guns because in this culture we live in it is more accptable?

See my dilema.....

sigh....

I just don't know what to do....

seriously one thought keeps coming to mind when I read this....

well....fuck.


you just got your dose of THE DAILY D!

...drink it in...

My First Blog

Hello.

I am Jeremy Navarro. 

You are going to be my fan. You may not realize it yet, but believe me, you will be. 

I don't know how my blog will work... Maybe I'll post random thoughts, maybe I'll post on specific topics. Who knows? 

I will now begin...

Are you ready?

Oh, and I like to cuss so if you don't like that, then maybe you shouldn't continue on. 

For example:

Fuck.

How do you feel? Still with me? Good... let's continue. 

First... Koreans and Mormons are onto something good. I am old and in college and am constantly annoyed by these pestering things swarming around the campus called "Freshmen." I get it, you are free from your parents and can do whatever you want. It's cool to play Halo in the middle of the night and call your roommates "Mother-fuckers," "Fucktards" or a "Nutterfucker." 

It's apparently cool to still saran wrap cars. I remember that when I was "cool." I put cool in quotes cause I really mean they are fucktards. 

Let me get to the Mormons and Koreans. After high school they are required to go somewhere. Mormons leave for two years and go on a mission. Although if I were stuck in the middle of some lame ass country with another man in a white shirt and tie, I would probably turn gay. Especially if he is like this one Mormom I knew in high school named Ryan... he was dreamy. 

Koreans go to the army. That's cool I guess what with the Northern part of their country being assholes. I had a Korean roommate once who showed us pictures of him with riot gear in the middle of an actual riot. He was smiling. I was scared. 

All this to say, I wish Americans had to go do something for two years. Like work in a child labor camp or something. But they're over 18 so they aren't considered child labor. Give them a bad back, lose ten pounds a day in sweat (it would help the obesity problem in our nation) and would help the economy. 

Then when they become 20 they can go to college. By that point they will be worn and weathered and thus more mature. 

Granted, I am glad I didn't have to work in a sweat camp, but I do wish they implemented that rule as soon as I turned 20. Cause I wasn't a fucktard when I was 18. I was merely a cocky asshole. Way different. 

Now onto the Octo-Mom. 

Has anyone interviewed her and asked if she has ever had sex. I mean, she has like a million kids and none of them are from an actual dick. Perhaps the closest she got to sex was giving birth to a boy and his baby penis rubbing up on her as they plop out. 

Nobody is gonna fuck her now. I mean seriously, she has had so many kids and is fat enough that the man probably would have to like climb into her hoohah and jackhammer her with his entire body for her to feel anything. 

Or maybe the babies that get popped out do a lil something something to her. 

Seriously, I can't imagine what other reason she would have to pop that many babies out. 

LOST is on tonight. That's good news. Supernatural is on tomorrow. Wed - Thurs is the best two days ever. 

I have to get up at like 6 am tomorrow for a job interview. I hate it. I hate money. I hate it all. 

Ok I think that's it for me. Stay tuned to more dirty hilarity. 

Bye. 

JEREMY NAVARRO